September 1999
The Director - Departments
Grief Relief
Sleep Relief: A simple checklist for getting a better night's sleep
Although I've always been a light sleeper, in the seven months since David's death, I have not been able to sleep more than three or four hours at a time. As if grieving isn't hard enough, the lack of sleep leaves me constantly exhausted, irritable and stressed out.
Those words were recently shared by Marci, 47, whose husband died after a brief illness. Complaints about sleep disturbance are common for the bereaved. One study revealed that 40 percent of widows aged 60 and under had major difficulties with insomnia in the 13 months following the death of a loved one. This is a malady, however, that can be corrected without the use of drugs. Here is a simple checklist for getting a better night's sleep that funeral directors can offer the bereaved.
Avoid caffeine within six hours of bedtime.
Do not eat a heavy meal within five hours of bedtime. The digestion process can interfere with solid sleep.
Establish a bedtime ritual, such as reading a book for pleasure or watching television, until your eyelids begin to droop.
Take a warm bath or shower before retiring. The hot water raises body temperature and the cool-down afterward triggers drowsiness. Body temperature is at its lowest during sleep; alertness is associated with higher body temperatures.
Avoid nightcaps. Alcoholic beverages can make you feel drowsy but the effect quickly wears off, further fracturing your sleep time.
Exercise but do so in the late afternoon or early evening. Exercise raises your body temperature, but it falls five or six hours later (around bedtime), causing drowsiness and enhancing sleep.
Follow a sleep schedule. Regulate the amount of time you spend in bed. The more time spent in bed, the more fragmented sleep becomes. Go to bed at the same time and rise at the same time every day, including weekends. While it may be fun to sleep in on the weekend, most bodies respond better to a normal, daily routine. "Getting up at the same time every day, including weekends, is probably the most important step toward establishing good sleep patterns because regular exposure to light in the morning is what sets the brain's alarm clock," says James Walsh, executive director of the Sleep Medicine and Research Center at St. Luke's Hospital in Chesterfield, Missouri. That exposure to light establishes the time for the body to wake up and, at night, signals the time for the body to get drowsy again, Walsh explains.
Lower the thermostat at night. It helps to keep the temperature in your bedroom a bit lower than in the rest of the house. When the weather is hot, use air conditioning to cool off the bedroom.
Do not turn out the light until you are sleepy or until after you have fallen asleep. Turning out the light prematurely simply confirms your fears that sleep is evading you.
Use soothing music to sleep. Many tapes and CDs offer gentle sounds—such as flowing water—to help induce sleep.
Give yourself 30 minutes to fall asleep. If you do not drift off by then, get out of bed, do something relaxing, and then try again when you are feeling drowsy.
creen out noise. Close your bedroom window if traffic sounds are too loud. If you cannot eliminate outside noises, muffle the sounds by investing in bedroom carpeting and heavy drapes. In addition, you can create "white noise"—low-level sounds that mask other more-intrusive ones. Try running a fan or an air conditioner, or tune the radio to a station that plays gentle, sleep-inducing music.
Avoid sleeping pills. "Sleeping pills do not solve the underlying problem, and once you start taking them, you can get hooked," notes sleep-disorder specialist Isadore Rosenfeld, MD. "If you and your doctor decide you need a sleeping pill, use one that's short-acting, doesn't leave you with a hangover, works quickly and doesn't accumulate in the body. Don't take it for more than three weeks and never 'borrow' one from a friend," Dr. Rosenfeld advises.
Victor M. Parachin, Tulsa, OK, is a NFDA grief educator and minister. Send comments and questions to
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